“How I learned to stop waiting for the end of the roller coaster and enjoy the ride.”

“What am I supposed to do when the club lights come on? It’s easy to be Puff but it’s harder to be Sean…

I know my kingdom awaits, and they’ve forgiven my mistakes…Tell the world that I’m coming home.” - Diddy-Dirty Money featuring Skylar Gray

There is always that precarious point in your life when you spend a lot of time searching for who you really are. Some people hit this point at the end of high school. Some people right out of college. For others, it might not happen ’til mid-life and lead to things like buying motorcycles or handguns.

For me, it’s been a process, and I’ve discussed it before.  I’m constantly looking for answers and endings to journeys. I am looking for my ultimate job, my ultimate boyfriend-husband, my ultimate body image, my ultimate “life,” and somehow have this concept in my head that I won’t be happy until I find it.

When you’re at this place in your life, you have two choices. One, you can choose to be miserable and let it fester and tear down your self confidence. You can let it destroy who you think you are until all that remains is a shell that you can’t seem to penetrate to refill with something substantial. Or, you can enjoy the ride.

Because life is a roller coaster. Coasters seem to be a common theme with my diabetes management, and while comparing life to valleys and mountaintops may seem overused and cliche, it really describes how you feel. I, however enjoy the roller coaster metaphor for life above the hiking metaphor (even though I love hiking). But life moves too fast to think of it as a hike. And sometimes, it just plain throws you for a loop. Or a quarter mile long corkscrew.

When you peak that hill, you feel weightless, and you can see for miles But when you begin to fall, you feel your stomach drop, and sometimes it’s a 40% grade and sometimes it’s a 90 percent grade. Sometimes you move at 55 mph and sometimes it’s 70. It depends on whether the track is made of wood or steel.  When you hit the bottom of the hill, you feel like you have 3 g’s of force bearing down on you, and like you’ll never be able to lift your hands up again. Soon enough, the pressure lifts and you can breathe again and you’re headed up that next hill. And at the end of the day, the loops and hills are what makes life worth it.

I haven’t been enjoying my ride. I’ve been waiting to get my feet on solid ground. I’ve been scared out of my mind like the first time I tried to ride the upside-down roller coaster at Worlds of Fun in Kansas City and panicked and ran out the “chicken exit.” (I was probably 9).

But it’s time to grow up and buckle my seat belt and stop staring at the “you must be this tall to ride this ride” sign. Believe  me, I won’t forget the safety  rail.

But I will raise my hands up high.

The rollar coaster I was too scared to go on.

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3 thoughts on ““How I learned to stop waiting for the end of the roller coaster and enjoy the ride.”

  1. babscampbell

    This is AWESOME!
    Immediately following my last Drs. appt. . you know, the one where they told me I had cancer, I went to the massage therapist. As she started to massage my scalp and neck. . I started bawling like a baby, thinking about how my future, my body, my vision of me will be so drastically changed soon. Then, this weird little thought entered my mind. “There is only now. . . ” I kept hearing that over and over as I laid there. Soon, I was able to relax and enjoy the NOW. . Now, I was being pampered, now I was being soothed, comforted and tension pushed out of my muscles. Enjoy the now, it makes you stronger when you face the “then.”
    Hugs to you you my friend. You are WELL on your way to the woman you want to be! Love you!

    Reply
  2. Chris

    I know this is off topic considering the tone of your post, but in looking at that picture…I’ll be your wingman on that roller coaster. It looks like fun!

    Reply
  3. TheYarnCabinet

    Enjoy the ride – and find strength in the new friends and people you meet along the way!

    Your blog gives me some strength in feeling that I am not alone in the everyday struggle known as life. Even now, when I have made some big changes in my life that I always thought would be the “fix all” I still find myself feeling a little lost, a little apprehensive and overall uncertain of my place in the world. Thank you for being YOU :-)

    Reply

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