What a great time of year. Easter, my very favorite holiday, is coming up. This week is Holy Week, and to me, it exemplifies the very core of Christian belief: that Jesus came down as a human and, free of sin, died on the cross to release me from my own chains that bind my body in this earthly life and give me a chance to live a complete life in Him. This week comes complete with great church services and opportunities for personal growth in my faith.
But even if you’re not a Christian, this is still an excellent time of year. Spring is upon us! And even with ongoing personal issues, I am finding that it’s hard not to smile when it’s 70 degrees outside.
I’m trying to enjoy every second of this weather, because here in Missouri we usually get about two weeks of really nice weather before we are plagued with humidity and too-warm-for-me temperatures. By the end of May we are wiping our brows and swatting at misquotes. Unfortunately, the best weather happens when I am in full fledged studymainia. I have my hardest test coming up next week so far in Biology. We get two days off for Easter weekend (what is this State University two days off business? When I went to a Christian school we only got one day off! But I’m not complaining). And yet, I will still have to spend the majority of my weekend studying. Then, of course, there is the spending time with family that will happen. Which is absolutely my favorite.
At any rate, I always hesitate to do recaps and goals each month because I am not sure who will really care to read them, but I decided what the heck, because it’s not about the clicks or the comments, this blog is for ME, and it’s about ME connecting with other PWD’s. I don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks of my posts except me! And in all these fluffy posts, sometimes something significant actually comes out of it.
So that is my first goal for April: keep writing. I was struck with a bout of blogger’s block during March that had a lot to do with feelings concerning both diabetes and life in general that put me in a position of both discretion involving disclosure as well as not being able to put my thoughts into words. But I want to write anyway. If I can’t think of anything that is publishable, I want to write in a personal journal just to keep putting my thoughts to paper. It’s not just about keeping the creative juices flowing, but for someone with ADD tendencies like myself, it’s a way to un-jumble the thoughts that are floating around in my head all day without shoving them aside and refusing to deal with them.
For me, April needs to be a month of new beginnings, like when a bird hatches from an egg. I’m in an egg right now, but I’ve grown too big for my shell. I’m not in a good place right now, and you may be able to figure that out if you have caught any of my cryptic late night tweets that I’ve been sending occasionally the past few weeks. But I am doing better than ever in school. I’m keeping my room clean, which is weird. I recently reconnected with an old high school friend. I have an Endo appointment coming up, and I know my A1c won’t be as low as it should be. But I’m going to ask her about restarting Symlin, as well as getting tested for Celiac disease. If I am not allergic to Gluten, I’ll move on and continue to enjoy my favorite gluten-filled snacks in moderation like most people. If I am, I will have to re-evaluate. And I hope that one or both of these things will help me begin to absorb more nutrients and not only eat less but have more energy to exercise. Because right now I have zero energy. But I also am unable to sleep at night, which brings me to my next goal.
I need to kick the caffeine habit. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m drinking water or caffeine free tea in the mornings, but I still need that diet coke in the afternoon. And it’s no good. And it keeps me up at night. And when I stay up all night, I am not only tired the next day but I also eat a lot more than I should. Because when your body is tired, your brain tells you to eat to produce more energy. Silly brain. Just use my adipose cells, please, but leave a few un scarred cells for jabbing with sensors and infusion sites, please.
Eating well costs money. Money I definitely don’t have, and money my parents are hesitant to give me. They really don’t eat that healthily. They eat cheaply, like a lot of people in their income bracket.They’re trying to get out of debt, currently taking Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. And besides, I am 23 years old. I should have at least a part time job and be able to buy my gas and food and possibly help purchase diabetes supplies, but I can’t because I am too lazy to get a job.
I’m not so much lazy as I am scared of rejection. But that’s my next goal for April. Get a job, or at least fill out lots and lots of applications. Get over wanting weekends off. Get over finding a job that was as easy and convenient as the job that laid you off.Try. Be confident. Yes, there is always someone better than you out there, but you can exceed their expectations at the very least and be a great employee. Show them that.
Stop saying you’re going to read it. I found an old bible in my brother’s closet the other day. Now I have zero excuses. Less Facebook time, more bible time. End of story. God misses you.
And finally, watch lots and lots of baseball.
Not all of these photos are mine, but a few of them are. The others are general commons photos, except the Cardinals logo, which is licensed to the St. Louis Cardinals.