I know. It’s a sad story. My long time lover and I need to call it quits.
Diet Coke, you have comforted me many times with your crisp fresh taste and bubbly carbonated goodness. You have saved me from many headaches and sleepy mornings. You have rescued me from afternoon sluggishness. You have helped me pay attention in numerous classes. You have made pizza, burgers, and countless other meals tastier.
But we need to break up. I’m sorry, but what you do to me isn’t healthy nor is it helping me reach my goals.
For the past few weeks, you and I have had infrequent meetings. Without my own cash flow to purchase you, I somehow made it days without your comfort. But this weekend, my mom, bless her heart, bought me a 24 pack. And I noticed something.
Those days when I was motivated enough to go on long bike rides and complete homework assignments before they were due? You weren’t a part of those.
Those days when I didn’t snack in between meals and didn’t feel starving? You weren’t a part of those.
But since you’ve been back in my life, I have felt weak, lacked energy, and been constantly hungry.
For this reason, we need to break up.
As much as you mean to me, we have to be done. I may drink one in the afternoon until my supply runs out, but after that, we are splitsville on a day to day basis. If you want to call me say, once a week, that might be okay, but don’t assume it’s going to be an everyday occurrence. I mean, this is my health and my life I’m trying to take care of and your refusal to help means we can no longer be best friends.
I’m sorry, diet coke. I must say goodbye.