Maybe I shouldn’t use the word “stupid” so much. Probably. But I am seriously tired of this roller coaster game.
I woke up yesterday morning with a perfectly acceptable blood sugar reading of 108. 108 is about as perfect as you can get in my book. Maybe an average of 90 is better than an average of 108, but seriously, 90, who does that? Anyway, I took 1.5 units of insulin – one unit to battle Dawn Phenomenon, or my blood sugar’s mysterious ability to raise itself up to 100 points after I wake up, and .5 to deal with no pump shower time. I’m not sure why I didn’t take 3 units like I normally do, but since 108 was such a darn good number I didn’t want to jinx myself and plummet. I went about my way to my first day of summer school classes bright and early at 7:30 am.
While I was walking from my car to my class, I checked my CGMS. It read 154 with a sideways up arrow. I was in a hurry and so I immediately reacted with three units of insulin – two to bring me down to 100 and one to combat the up arrow, making the mistake of assuming I’d top out at 175 or 200. Why did I do this? Why did I take that insulin? Why do we do the stupid things we do when our minds are on something else.
So lo and behold, in the middle of my two hour class, I felt my CGMS vibrate. You bet there was an arrow straight down. I was at 105 and I was falling.
Here was the second mistake I made (well really the first). I took the emergency starbursts out of my car last night because I was afraid of them getting all melted. They were sitting at home, safely in my bedroom. They weren’t in my purse or in my car. I probably should have left class and explained to my teacher later what happened, but instead I decided to sit there in my seat. And I did the only thing I could think of. I unplugged my pump. And I sat there.
After class, my CGMS said79 but Silverton the blood glucose meter said 68. I ran to my car as best I could. I was wet and cold in the pouring rain and thanks to the low I did not have the energy to sprint to my car in the rain. I gathered up all the change I could find in my car and I drove to the nearest gas station where I purchased 2 laffy taffy sticks. And then I ate them as I drove to my ten o’clock meeting.
As I sat there in the meeting I felt my cgms buzz in my pocket. A quick check showed me at 234. I remembered to plug my pump back in but apperently the laffy taffy was too much. Um, duh. I probably only needed about a half of one of those laffy taffys to get me home where I could eat lunch. By the time I got home my CGMS was reading 380. A quick test showed I was only at 250. I bolused for lunch and the correction and went about my day.
The roller coaster is something I am so sick of. I’m ready to get off. One time, when I was a little kid, I waited in line for the Orient Express at Worlds of Fun in Kansas City (their first upside down roller coaster which is no longer there) until it was time to get on only to walk out the door clearly labeled “chicken exit.” While today I love a good roller coaster as much as any other park go-er, I can’t say they are really my thing and I can only handle so much of them. Heights terrify me and seeing the ground rushing towards me isn’t much of a rush. The same goes with diabetes. Heights leave me thinking about the damage my blood sugar is doing to my body while bottoming out leaves me utterly confused and unresponsive and unable to make proper judgements, like eating four times as much as I should when my blood sugar is 68.
It’s this kind of roller coaster that is stupid.
Today, I’ll just take the proper 3 units when I wake up and I won’t forget to eat breakfast. Deal? Deal.