Please excuse my diabetes related rant.
I had cereal all figured out. Really, I did. Kashi Go Lean Honey Almond Flax has enough protein in it to prevent blood sugar spikes, and when paired with low-carb soy or almond milk I was rarely, if ever, spiking after eating it. But yesterday after my morning bowl of cereal with 1/2 cup of organic, unsweetened soy milk I became infuriated by the almost unholiest of arrows: the straight up arrow, second only to the double straight up arrow:
I have never been so infuriated. Okay this totally isn’t true. I have been this infuriated, and I wasn’t that infuriated. Annoyed is more like it. I was annoyed that my blood sugar wasn’t cooperating with such a routine meal. I was annoyed that I had to visit the darn Vampires yesterday morning. When I left the doctor’s office, I was annoyed at the pain in my arm from the needle and the giant rubber bandy thinger that the phlebotomist put on too tight this time. (I mean, I know it needs to be tight, but should I be wanting to cry from pain because of how tight it is? I never have before.) I was annoyed that I have this stupid disease where I mark my life by doctor’s visits every three months like clockwork and that unless a cure is discovered, I will never be able to stop, not if I want any reasonable control over this monster and not if I don’t want to lose any limbs or any sight or any kidney function.
I know why my blood sugar rose so drastically yesterday morning. It’s because I didn’t take my symlin shot. Why didn’t I take it, you ask? Because I was out, and because at my last appointment my doctor only gave me one three month script and it was only enough for 30 mcg/ meal, and since I self adjusted to 45 mcg/meal I ran out about a week before the appointment and rather than calling her and asking for more, thought I would just wait. I guess that was dumb because now I can’t eat high carb things like cereal without expecting the unholiest of arrows.
I know it will get easier. It will get easier in a few weeks, when I settle into the routine of school. It will get easier in a few years, when my schedule doesn’t change every four months. It will be easier then because my body will be in a repetitive state, whereas now every day is different. I take 3 units of insulin upon waking unless my blood sugar is below 100, and even then I wait til it’s above 100 and then take 3 units. Last appointment, my doctor told me that I should be integrating that bolus into my basal rates in the morning. I told her no, because I get up at a different time every day it’s best if I just take it as a bolus. I’d rather have it as a basal. I’d rather wake up and stumble around and not worry about bolusing. Heck, I’d rather not worry about testing, but that’s not going to happen.
I’m not upset about this no routine thing. I’m really not. I love being in college, and while I am getting a little sick of it after five years (starting my 11th semester this fall – wow) I wouldn’t trade the things I am learning for all the degrees in the world (except maybe a law degree, but only so I could be awesome like my best friend). But it makes living with this monster disease a little harder. So am I expecting an A1c below 7 at today’s doctor’s appointment? As I said yesterday, absolutely not. But I will be OK with the 7’s for now. Because for now, in this crazy awesome time in my life where I get to freeload off my parents and learn cool things, routine just isn’t going to happen. It’s not my style, anyway.