The Light at the End of the Tunnel

The past few years of my life have been a massive monsoon of change and uncertainty. Four years ago,  I was happily living in Kansas City and going to a small liberal arts college. Since then, I have moved 8 times, gone to two different colleges, and worked nine different jobs, not including two unemployed stints (counting the current one).

Sometimes I wonder why I torture myself so much.

But for real. In that time, I have felt both the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I have felt physically great and physically horribly.  But really, a cloud of depression, or as I like to call it, “The Other D.” And while I hesitate to write about depression very often, hence the last few weeks’ lack of posting, because I am trying to get a job and googling my name does bring up my blog, it’s part of my life, it’s part of my diabetes, and statistics aside I know for a fact based on my interactions with other PWDs that I am not the only one who deals with both “D’s” at once.

Which means I want to make my voice heard. I want others expending all their energy on taking care of their diabetes so that they feel absolutely exhausted in all other aspects of their life to know that they are not alone. And to let those who let their diabetes care slide because it takes everything they have just to get out of bed in the morning know that someone understands how they feel.

For me, the last few weeks have been a turning point. Sure, I’m still unemployed. Sure, I still haven’t unpacked since I got home last month. Sure, I’m 24 and still living in my parent’s house, driving their car, and using their phone. And sure, where I’m going to be and what I’m going to be doing in the next six months is still very much up in the air. But (Friday night aside) I’m working on better sleeping habits, applying for jobs like a crazy person, and in general feeling better about my life. I’m eating better, eating less,  and feeling motivated to at least move around during the day.

So even though I’m writing this at nearly 4am, and even though there are things I need to do that I’m still putting off, and even though I’ve still got a lot of growing up to do, I can say that I’m ready, willing, and able. And that’s something I haven’t been able to say in a long time.

4 thoughts on “The Light at the End of the Tunnel

  1. Karen

    I have absolutely been where you are and I know just how tough it is. I wish I had magic answers for you – but I don’t. 😦 I do know that although I was scared to post about it on the blog, I did – and I felt SO much better afterward. I hope you find the same! And I’m glad to hear things are starting to turn around. Please know I’ll be thinking of you and sending over good thoughts and vibes. {{{{hugs}}}}

  2. Alissa @ Juvenile Diabetes

    I know exactly what you are going through (well, maybe not exact, but pretty close) – the last six months of last year i was feeling pretty depressive, and it was a real struggle to actually do anything.

    And like you I just made a mental change one day, I said to myself that i was going to try harder to get my BG back on track, eat better, create a routine for myself (this has been SO important) and just try harder each day – no matter if there was a reward for hard effort, it feels good to actually get out and do something, anything.

    So, power to you! Go for it, and keep smiling 🙂


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