Getting back into the Groove.

It’s always tough to get back into blogging and being an active part of the community  Diabetes Online Community, or DOC) when you’ve been gone for a while.

For me it’s something I need to do, without a doubt. Diabetes related, I’ve been taking injections (instead of using my insulin pump) for a few weeks now. It hasn’t been the easiest road. I’m still waking up with extremely high numbers (over 250) and dealing with lows, but it’s nothing I haven’t been through before. Lots of testing. Lots of adjusting. Lots of feeling like crap. Knowing it will be worth it eventually, when I feel ok again. When I realize how much money I’m saving on pump supplies. But yes, I miss my pump. I will have it back eventually. I have good insurance that covers a lot of the cost, but I’m so behind on my Animas payments that I can’t afford the monthly payments I’ve agreed on with them so they’ll send out new supplies.

That being said, injections, while annoying, do have me feeling a bit free-er. After nearly three years with that thing attached to me at all times, though I was completely used it it, it feels nice not to have to keep track of it. It’s definitely not forever though. I will be a pumper again soon. And hopefully a CGM user even sooner. I think injections would be easier to figure out if I had some continuous glucose monitoring assistance.

I need to get back to my doctor. When I first saw my  new doctor, I loved her. But we didn’t actually do anything at the appointment. She took some blood and had me schedule another appointment, which I promptly slept though – dealing with the other D at that time. I need to formulate a plan with her. See what she thinks about my attempt to go injection. Get new humalog and lantus scripts. At least feel a little more in control. Get a script for a box of syringes instead of buying them by the package – long needles – 2 unit measurements – not ideal. Hard to dose at half a unit when you have a 2 unit measured syringe.

But all in all things are looking good. Weight loss continues to progress (as far as I know, weigh in tomorrow morning. Weight Watchers™ is awesome! Post on it coming soon!), while financially I’m still struggling to keep my head over water, I am at the very least on my own, working 40 hours a week, keeping a roof over my head, my electricity on, gas in my car, and myself and my kitties fed (with a little help from my parents on occasion). And that’s good, right?

Somehow I still feel out of control of my own life. What on earth is the solution? Is accepting that you’re out of control just part of growing up? Part of a natural maturation cycle? Someone today asked if I was happy. I am happy. I don’t feel like I have “arrived,” or like I am “there” as far as being an adult or being who I want to be, but I feel like I am learning what is and isn’t in my control. What I can and can’t can’t change. How all you can do is all you can do. Ever since I started seriously taking care of my diabetes (about when I started this blog, summer of 2009), that has been my motto. Change the things you can and don’t stress about the things you can’t change. I don’t know why it took me so long to get to the point of applying that philosophy to the rest of my life.

But I’m there now.

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