It’s always tough to get back into blogging and being an active part of the community Diabetes Online Community, or DOC) when you’ve been gone for a while.
For me it’s something I need to do, without a doubt. Diabetes related, I’ve been taking injections (instead of using my insulin pump) for a few weeks now. It hasn’t been the easiest road. I’m still waking up with extremely high numbers (over 250) and dealing with lows, but it’s nothing I haven’t been through before. Lots of testing. Lots of adjusting. Lots of feeling like crap. Knowing it will be worth it eventually, when I feel ok again. When I realize how much money I’m saving on pump supplies. But yes, I miss my pump. I will have it back eventually. I have good insurance that covers a lot of the cost, but I’m so behind on my Animas payments that I can’t afford the monthly payments I’ve agreed on with them so they’ll send out new supplies.
That being said, injections, while annoying, do have me feeling a bit free-er. After nearly three years with that thing attached to me at all times, though I was completely used it it, it feels nice not to have to keep track of it. It’s definitely not forever though. I will be a pumper again soon. And hopefully a CGM user even sooner. I think injections would be easier to figure out if I had some continuous glucose monitoring assistance.
I need to get back to my doctor. When I first saw my new doctor, I loved her. But we didn’t actually do anything at the appointment. She took some blood and had me schedule another appointment, which I promptly slept though – dealing with the other D at that time. I need to formulate a plan with her. See what she thinks about my attempt to go injection. Get new humalog and lantus scripts. At least feel a little more in control. Get a script for a box of syringes instead of buying them by the package – long needles – 2 unit measurements – not ideal. Hard to dose at half a unit when you have a 2 unit measured syringe.
But all in all things are looking good. Weight loss continues to progress (as far as I know, weigh in tomorrow morning. Weight Watchers™ is awesome! Post on it coming soon!), while financially I’m still struggling to keep my head over water, I am at the very least on my own, working 40 hours a week, keeping a roof over my head, my electricity on, gas in my car, and myself and my kitties fed (with a little help from my parents on occasion). And that’s good, right?
Somehow I still feel out of control of my own life. What on earth is the solution? Is accepting that you’re out of control just part of growing up? Part of a natural maturation cycle? Someone today asked if I was happy. I am happy. I don’t feel like I have “arrived,” or like I am “there” as far as being an adult or being who I want to be, but I feel like I am learning what is and isn’t in my control. What I can and can’t can’t change. How all you can do is all you can do. Ever since I started seriously taking care of my diabetes (about when I started this blog, summer of 2009), that has been my motto. Change the things you can and don’t stress about the things you can’t change. I don’t know why it took me so long to get to the point of applying that philosophy to the rest of my life.
But I’m there now.