When you aren’t perfect, why try?
As much as I work to give myself a new philosophy, I always slide back into the lazy perfectionism. Can’t lose weight? Why try? Can’t resist the chocolate? Why not eat the whole bag? Miss one day at the gym? Why go back?
And for this reason, I ruin relationships, give up on dreams, fail classes, let blogs become unbelievably sick and near death, and let an 8.4 a1c turn in to what I predict will be the worst. A1c. Ever. which will be drawn for next month.
What is happening to me? Why do I let myself spiral down this way? What does it take to bring me back? This time there isn’t a Utah to run away to. The blog is no longer new and exciting. What motivation do I have to continue the good fight? And tell me why I’ve abandoned my twitter world, where I made some of my best friends, who were there to encourage me every step of the way?
What now? Continue trying knowing failure is my only option, knowing I’ll never get it right, or just quit and say forget about it, writing my life off as a mistake that sprung a leak of mistakes that would direct the course of the creek of my destiny?
…*pause while I take my Prozac*
Seriously. What is my DEAL?