Life is a balancing act. It’s work, it’s leisure, it’s relationships, it’s church, it’s diabetes management, it’s financial management, and then it is just plain sitting and thinking about it all. We’ve all gone though phases where everything seems extremely unbalanced and when we try to balance it it seems to just topple over.
At the beginning of January, I was very near having a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t hardly sleep, and only did so by being heavily medicated and focusing my brain on television shows. My relationship fell apart in a super dramatic fashion, and then the relationship I immaturely tried to replace that relationship with also fell apart. I moved out of my apartment which I had graciously agreed to share with someone I once cared about. And while all of this was going on, my work life was suffering. And if you’ve ever worked in sales, not being able to focus on work means more meetings with supervisors, more ultimatums, and ultimately less money – which doesn’t help anything.
I took a good look at my life and asked what was stressing me out the most. I decided it was two things: my relationship and my job. So obviously, I decided I should remove those two things from my life. I broke up with my boyfriend. And that was hard, because boy did I love that man. But one lesson you learn growing up – that isn’t always enough. We had come to a place where we just made each other’s demons worse, and we needed to move away from one another. So I left.
Then I had a sit-down with my boss. My then-boss is the best boss I have ever had in my life. He is not just a great supervisor who produces results, but he is also an absolutely good person and takes time to relate to his agents in a personal manner. I told him I wanted to leave. He, being more logical than Emotional Sarah Jane is, told me to work for two weeks. So I did. And guess what. I didn’t leave. In fact, I noticed a job in another department was open and I applied for it. And guess what else? I got it. And guess what else else? I love it. And I’m still with a fabulous company and I still get to work with some of the greatest people in the world.
It kind of blows my mind when I think about how different my life is than it was three months ago. But it’s also at a strangely familiar place. I’m at my parents house, again. This is the third time since I moved out the first time I have come back. And that’s ok. Sure, 27 year olds seem a little old to be living with mom and dad, but it’s not like I’m struggling financially and it will change soon. I just have to be patient.
Removing the thing that took up 90 percent of my time and energy from my life has left me feeling so free. I feel free to be myself. I feel free to find myself. I also feel free of the need to have someone there to depend on. I have plenty of people I can depend on, but when it comes to self validation, I’m now leaving that up to me. It has been incredibly difficult at times. I have only grieved one other relationship as hard and long as I have grieved this one. But it has also made me so strong, and strong was not an adjective I would have ever used to describe myself before 2014.
Strong and happy. Welcome to adulthood.